5 Sneaky Phrases Manipulators Use to Control You, Insights from Psychology

Words are powerful! The right ones at the right time can lift us up, inspire us to be our best selves, and push us to achieve greatness. But in the wrong hands, language can also be weaponized to control, deceive and manipulate.

Psychological research has identified certain key phrases that manipulators and emotional abusers employ to gaslight their victims and keep them under their thumb. By learning to spot these toxic verbal patterns, we can protect ourselves and others from falling prey to their destructive influence.

1. “You’re Being Too Sensitive”

One of the most insidious tactics manipulators use is to make you doubt your own judgment and emotional responses. When they say something hurtful or cross a boundary and you express that it bothers you, they’ll quickly turn it around and claim that you’re the one overreacting.

• “You’re being too sensitive.”
• “I was just joking, don’t take everything so seriously.”
• “Stop being so dramatic about everything.”

Sound familiar? These dismissive statements are textbook examples of gaslighting, a form of psychological abuse aimed at making victims question their own reality.

The truth is, your feelings are always valid. You’re not “too sensitive” for being hurt by cruel remarks or disrespected by broken promises. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Trust your gut and stand firm in honoring your emotions and enforcing your boundaries. Anyone who tries to steamroll over them or make you feel “crazy” for having them doesn’t deserve a place in your life.

2. “If You Really Loved Me…”

Ah, emotional blackmail! Another favorite in the manipulator’s toolkit. Rather than making direct demands, they’ll often try to leverage your affection for them to pressure you into doing their bidding. It usually looks something like:

• “If you really loved me, you’d stay home with me instead of going out with your friends tonight.”
• “If I actually mattered to you, you’d buy me that expensive gift I want.”
• “If you truly cared about this relationship, you’d give me the passcode to your phone.”

Notice the common theme? By implying that you need to “prove” your love through blind obedience and self-sacrifice, manipulators aim to erode your autonomy and make you prioritize their wants over your own needs. They exploit your devotion and turn it into a weapon against you.

But real love isn’t controlling, it’s uplifting and empowering. It means wanting your partner to have a rich, fulfilling life outside of the relationship. It means respecting their right to privacy, to maintain other close connections, and to have interests and goals of their own. Anyone who makes you feel guilty for having a self apart from them isn’t acting out of love, but a selfish desire to possess you completely. Don’t fall for it.

3. “I Never Said That”

Manipulators are masters of rewriting history. One of their go-to moves when caught in a lie or held accountable for a misdeed is to flat-out deny it ever happened.

• “What are you talking about? I never said that.”
• “You’re remembering it wrong, that’s not how it went down at all.”
• “I have no idea what you’re referring to, you must have misunderstood.”

This is another form of gaslighting, an attempt to undermine your grasp on reality and substitute their own self-serving version of events. Over time, this can cause you to constantly second-guess yourself and lose confidence in your memory and perceptions. You may even start to believe you really are “losing it” or “going crazy.”

To counteract this, it’s important to trust your recall of the facts, even if the manipulator vehemently denies them. Whenever possible, create a paper trail, save those text messages, emails and receipts that back up your side of the story. Having tangible evidence of their dishonesty not only helps you hold your ground, but also resist their attempts to gaslight you into doubting your own mind.

4. “You Made Me Do It”

Abusers and manipulators never want to take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they’ll find ways to pin the blame on you. If they lash out in anger, it’s because you provoked them. If they cheat or mistreat you, it’s because you weren’t good enough and “drove them to it.” For example:

• “Look what you made me do!” (after becoming physically aggressive)
• “If you weren’t so cold and withholding, I wouldn’t have to seek affection elsewhere.”
• “This is your fault for stressing me out all the time.”

These accusations serve two purposes: to absolve the manipulator of accountability and to further undermine your self-worth. If you internalize the message that you’re the cause of their cruelty, you’ll be less likely to challenge it or walk away. You may even start blaming yourself.

But make no mistake, a person’s bad behavior is always a choice and they alone are responsible for it. You can’t “make” someone mistreat you, they decide to do it. Don’t let them off the hook with these victim-blaming excuses. Hold them fully accountable and refuse to accept the unacceptable, regardless of how they try to rationalize it.

5. “No One Else Will Ever Love You Like I Do”

The final manipulative phrase is perhaps the most powerful – and the most crippling. It plays on your deepest fears of being unlovable and ending up alone. The manipulator asserts that you’ll never find another partner who will put up with you the way they graciously do. For instance:

• “You should feel lucky to have me. No one else would deal with all your issues.”
• “You’ll never find someone else who loves you as much as I do.”
• “If you leave me, you’ll just end up sad and alone. Is that what you want?”

These declarations are meant to exploit your insecurities and make you feel dependent on the manipulator, grateful for whatever crumbs of affection they deign to give you. You may start to believe that you really are hard to love – that you’re too “difficult,” too “damaged,” and that putting up with abuse or disrespect is the price you have to pay for companionship.

Let me tell you this with total conviction: real love does not belittle you. Real love does not use your vulnerabilities as leverage. Real love does not make you feel small, unworthy or beholden.

Anyone who truly cherishes you will build you up, not tear you down. They’ll make you feel appreciated, respected and empowered: like you deserve the world and they want to help you get it. They would never exploit your self-doubts or make you feel like you have to settle for mistreatment out of desperation.

So the next time a partner tries to convince you that no one else could possibly love you, know this: there are billions of people on this planet. The idea that your only options are tolerating abuse or dying alone is beyond absurd, it’s a blatant lie, a last-ditch attempt to control you through fear.

Have faith that not only will you find love again, but it will be with someone who uplifts you and brings out your best self. Never let anyone pressure you to stay in a toxic situation by preying on your fear of solitude. Being single is far better than being shackled to a manipulator. Choose yourself and have confidence that the right person will come along and love you in all the ways you deserve, without the hidden agenda.

So there you have it: five of the most manipulative phrases to be on alert for, explained through the lens of psychology. Remember, even if the delivery seems slick and persuasive, the underlying message is one of disrespect and control. You have the right to be treated with consistent kindness, honesty and care. Anyone who tries to chip away at your reality, your self-esteem and your trust in your own mind has no place in a healthy bond.

If these phrases sound all too familiar and you find yourself nodding along, please know that you’re not alone. So many people have found themselves entangled with master manipulators and emotional abusers. There is support available and a better life waiting on the other side of this toxic dynamic. Reach out to a therapist, confide in trusted friends and family, and most importantly, trust yourself. You have the strength and wisdom to break free and finally get the love you truly deserve, the unselfish, uplifting, empowering kind. Don’t settle for anything less.